Adventures in Craigslist (and a belated HNT).

Alternative title: men on the internet are (mostly) clueless.

This post and this from Lilly inspired me to share my own recent experience with Craigslist. I often indulge in Half-Nekkid Thursday or Flash Friday posts on CL when I'm bored, horny, or looking for a little shameless ego boost, and just such a thing happened on Thursday.

My post:

Here's the deal: Yes, I am a real, flesh and blood woman. I wouldn't waste your time with a "normal" body if I were a robot--I'd post a picture of the hottest girl out there. Alas, I shall have to suffice. ;)

I love all your responses, I encourage flirtation, and I appreciate every picture you send my way. Yum! However, "Half Naked Thursday" is just for funsies. I have no current plans to hook up with anyone, I'm just interested in a little mutual exhibition. How's that sound?

Lastly, don't feel bad if I don't respond. I may, or I may not--but a non-response does NOT indicate that I find you unattractive or uninteresting in any way, or that I am fake. It just means I'm busy. In advance: Thank you for emailing me! You're very sweet, and I appreciate your kind attention. You definitely know how to make a girl feel good. :)

I hope this brightens your day. Have a great weekend. Happy Memorial Day!

I posted this picture:


Amusing and pleasing responses:

• Thank you for introducing me to your culture. I love your holiday!
• Is Pepper Honeywood your original stripper name? (Why yes, it is!)
• I can do super cock saturday!
• Very nice picture. I am rock hard looking at it. It is possible, I think, to take that as a compliment. (The very best!)
• Anyone who complied with my post and wrote something nice, or sent a pretty picture of himself (I like cock pics, but surely that's not all you have to offer, right?).
  

Responses that pissed me off:

• What services do you offer. Tell me more info...that i didnt get in the ad (You didn't READ the ad, did you?)
• will make your toes curl what do you say? (I say "wanna bet?")
• Anyone who assumed that I wanted to get to know him, despite my explicit statement to the contrary.
• please tell me how we can meet (In your dreams alone.)
• I'm not looking for someone who does not know what they want...I know what I want. (I'm not interested in what you want, and if you had read my blurb, you would know what I want.)
• NO PAY 4 PLAY (My blurb includes no mention of pay for play, or any play at all for that matter.)
• please don't be spam (I already said I wasn't, and besides, spam is pretty obvious.)
• watz up yo...when can i have uuuuuuuuuuuu (Ugh.)
• CAN U SATISFY ME? (I could, but I won't.)
• Any chance of you sending me pics pleeeeeeeeeeeeeese?
• if you really meant what you said in your post, we can definitely have a good time together (If I really meant it--and I did--we absolutely could not.)
  

A lot of men saddened me by declaring that their marriages had "gone platonic" and that they were just looking for a little "TLC." (Hint to married men: don't tell me that you are, especially if you're looking for some NSA amusement. Even if I were up for that, the knowledge that I was aiding your covert infidelity would make me feel like an accomplice to the crime and a huge bitch at that. If, however, your wife knows about it and is fine with polyamory, do tell me that! That's great.)

Most extreme response: you walk in I wrap my belt around your neck and its now your leash and collar.. you crawl around for Me, modeling and showing Me your sexy body I take my pants off and grab My cock, pulling you close to Me, slapping it on your face, I pull on the leash, you look at Me and begin to suck, I hump into your face and listen to you gag and spit and I keep going on you harder and harder, grabbing your head and thrusting My hips into you, My hands on your throat, slapping your tits, and reaching down and playing with your wet pussy, flicking your clit and pinching your nipples.. I want you to put one hand behind your back one on your clit and suck Me off, I look at you and you look up, I force myself more onto you and keep you on Me, "yeah you lil slut, youre a good cocksucker and if you do a real good job, Ill fuck you, you lil whore, you want that lil pussy fucked? I buck and hold your head, youre spitting all over and gagging and its so hot, Im gonna cum, and with out telling you I shoot a hot huge thick load down your throat, pushing you off of Me holding your leash, stay I say.. right there... just to start...trust me there is much more (Wow! Thanks for trying to force your personal kink on me without knowing anything about my tastes! It's so great that you're all about your own pleasure!)

Most interesting response: If you were mine I would please you every day and all day with a body like that. even please you if you were on your period...show me your tampon plugged up close inside plz. (Alas, I was not on my period and could not satisfy the gentleman's request.)

The moral(s) of the story overall: I am highly susceptible to flattery, but not enough to fuck you for it. READ THE FUCKING DESCRIPTION. Be grateful for pictures of my naked body and stop pestering me for sex I already said I didn't want, or fuck off. And lastly, I can be kind of a bitch, but only if you're kind of a dick.

Note: I always post my HNTs and FFs in CL cities far, far away from where I actually live. This helps preserve anonymity and allows me to conduct small informal experiments about the nature of men the nation over. In fact, they are all the same, and I wouldn't have it any other way!